I have been thinking about blogging about my families accident and my recovery for a few months. Almost two years ago I started writing a book about the accident. In the beginning it was mostly for me, a type of therapy. When family and friends found out I was writing they would ask if they could read it when it was finished. This turned into more and more people showing an interest. I am not a very good writer. (After you read a few of my blog posts this will become very evident.) Eventually, I was put in touch with a great writer. Her name is Anne Greenawalt. (She has a great blog that I will link to mine when I learn how do it.) Over the past year and a half she has helped my put my thoughts to paper. The book has been a work in progress. A year ago the story would have ended very differently then it does now. I am glad that I haven’t rushed the process, but I do want to begin the steps to get it published soon… I think.
I have two main issues holding be back. First, I don’t think it is good enough. This has nothing to do with Anne. She does a great job helping me craft sentences and structure the book. The issue is that I have a hard time expressing in words what I have experienced, what I have learned and how I feel. All of these emotions and thoughts are so intertwined and jumbled up that trying to create one clear, concise thought is often impossible. Especially for me.
The second reason I am not pushing to publish is that when it does get published, my story will forever be set in stone. I guess it’s really set in paper, but either way its done. Even if the only copies that ever sell are to my wife Tonia and my parents it will still have been told. I do some speaking about the accident. I hope to do a lot more. I enjoy talking to groups. A few months ago, someone hired a videographer to record one of my “talks”. It was very thoughtful. He assumed all the expenses and had many copies made for me. When I watched the video for the first time I immediately realized all the things I did wrong. People I forgot to mention, time lines that were out-of-order. This was not my first speech. I had done talks like this more than a dozen times. No one else knew about the errors and omissions, but I did. It reminded me how important it was to get it right. My family had so much help and support, I don’t want to miss anyone. I don’t want to forget to talk about that one aspect of my recovery that helps another person better deal with a challenge in their life.
Speaking is easier. Some talks go better than others but on the whole, I always feel pretty good about what I said. Every time I speak I try to give more of myself, to do a better job then I did the last time. When the book is printed I won’t have a chance to try harder, to give more. At least not as far as the written story.
Blogging about my recovery and my motivation is my first step toward putting something in writing for the world to see. Or at least those of you who I tell that this blog even exists…