The hardest part about motivation is staying motivated. There is a reason why gyms have a bunch of new members in January and a lot less in April. I have been feeling very unmotivated the past ten days. It seems like every aspect of my life needs a good kick in the butt. I blame it all on Day Light Savings. Why we need to go and mess with something that is working just fine makes no sense. I was enjoying waking up at 6 AM and not having it be dark! The fact that Arizona doesn’t change their clock and a lot of the state is very warm, puts it high on my list of places I currently wish I lived.
I have mentioned many times here in this blog how difficult getting up in the morning is for me. Most days I wake up feeling as bad as I will feel all day. I thought the trick to dealing with this issue was waking up an hour earlier than the rest of my family. I use this time to pump my leg, pray, and read. All while enjoying a 16 oz mug of freshly brewed coffee. Just because Verizon Wireless changed the time on my “smart phone” at 2 AM on March 13, 2011, didn’t mean my “not-as-smart body” can just change its biological clock as well. (Good thing I double checked the hyphens in “not-as-smart body”. Seems spell check isn’t going to pick it up if you move the hyphen between the S’s to the right…)
Two weeks ago, when I was waking up at 6 AM, I didn’t feel good. I really felt lousy as I tried to drag my aching body out of bed the first Monday after the time change, when it thought it was 5 AM. After one day I gave up trying to wake up at 6 AM. This meant I was now waking up at 7 AM with the rest of “the natives”. All the benefits my family got from me waking up at 6 AM were gone. I now am moving more slowly as I get the kids out of bed for school. They all get to see me at my peak pain level (translate: I’m grumpy). Worst of all, Tonia isn’t getting her morning cafe mocha delivered to her bedside. (There goes any chance for the Husband of the Year Award, and it is only March.)
I was also getting a lot of benefits from starting my day off on the “right foot”. There is a great deal of peace that comes from starting each day with prayer and reflection. It doesn’t feel the same when you have to rush it. Pumping my leg early also sets me up for my workout later in the morning. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that exercise plays an important role in my life. Not following my morning routine is screwing up my whole day. My desire to work out is diminished. My writing/blogging has slowed down. Focusing at work is more difficult. The whole thing is a big mess…
This week I have been blessed to attend 3 one hour talks given by Paulist Father John Collins as part of my church’s 40 Hour Devotion. The Paulist Fathers have a wonderful approach to spreading the Gospel. Father John has a great sense of humor. Listing to him talk has been very inspirational. I am always trying to recognize the ways that God is working in my life. I have had a lot of times over the past 3 years where I sensed God’s intervention. During Father John’s talk on Tuesday, I had one of those moments. Father spoke of losing interest in prayer, of just going through the motions. He has been a Priest for 41 years and during that time there were periods where it “just wasn’t working for me.” He told God, “You guided me this far, I followed your call. Now it is up to you to put me back on track.” He said he just waited. He made sure he was open to God working in his life, but he didn’t push the issue. He waited for God to “Remotivate” him.
I am now patiently waiting to be “Remotivated” again. I am not doing “nothing”, but I have had to cut back a lot. I have only exercised 4 times in the last 10 days. During the same time period I hadn’t written anything, until now. I have avoided taking on more work because of a lack of energy. Yesterday, I fell asleep while pumping me leg. (It was 8 AM.) I had been trying anything and everything to kick-start my motivation, with little to no success. Funny how 3 days of noon time Mass, followed by a motivational talk from a Priest cleared things up.
God has led me this far through my recovery. He has allowed me to fall, but He has always been with me. God does not control every aspect of my life but He also doesn’t leave me alone. If this step backward in my recovery ends up allowing me the room I need to make another push forward than I guess this small hurdle will have served a greater purpose. Meanwhile, I am just going to wait. (Already I am beginning to feel more focused again. At least good enough to write a blog post.)
One last word one changing the clocks. I can only assume that God doesn’t think Day Light Saving is a good idea either. The Creation Story says that on Day 1 God created light and He separated it from darkness. He called the light day and the darkness night. From what I remember reading, God didn’t say three months later, “OK now we are going to turn the ‘world’s clock’ one hour head so Adam and Eve get less sleep. As soon as they get use to the new time we will switch it back.”